Relations and Functions

I was studying the chapter on relations and functions and the words were sort of bouncing around in my head when I suddenly remembered something I've wanted to rant about for a long time.

The relations and functions I'm talking about, however, have very little to do with mathematics.

I'm talking about the army of people most Indians have the privilege of calling family and their naming ceremonies, birthdays, coming of age ceremonies, weddings, house warming ceremonies and a couple of other poojas and celebrations thrown in for good measure. It's not that I dislike the events themselves, but I've attended one too many weddings at which I have to whisper in my mom's ear, "So are we on the bride's side or the groom's side of the family?" just before we hand the wedding present over to the happy couple. And if we ever met them again it would be at the next unknown person's wedding.

When I think of the money we spend on petrol, the precious time we waste on getting to the venue in Bangalore traffic (which is probably made up of others like us) , the money the hosts spent on arranging food and accommodation for hundreds of people  and the sheer waste of resources, I feel terrible.

On one hand, people are suffering because of water and food shortage and increasing prices are pinching even upper middle class pockets (don't ask me how the poorer people survive) and on the other, we buy expensive clothes and gifts and eat multi-course meals at parties we don't really want to be at. The upanayana or brahmopadesha (thread-ceremony) symbolises the beginning of a period of learning, during which the young boy is supposed to lead a simple life while focussing on his education. It seems that people have forgotten the true meaning of the ceremony, because at today's thread-ceremonies I see chaats, masala dosas, ice creams and other forms of ostentatiousness which completely defeat the purpose of the rituals.

It's ironic isn't it, that man whose face is printed on the money we spend on this lavishness was one of the biggest proponents of a simple lifestyle?

The people I want at my parties are those who know me as Ananya, not people who know me as their grandmother's cousin's niece's daughter; people who will willingly cancel less important engagements to be there for me on my big day.  It's the presence of such people that makes celebrations meaningful.  Social networks can be used for more than just uploading hundreds of photographs after the event. How much fuel, time and paper could we save if we sent our invitations online? It's time people stopped taking offence if hosts don't come all the way to their house to invite them.

The most common excuse I hear from my elders when I complain about pointlessly large guest lists is

'Word must be spread in society that this, say wedding, has occurred.' That might have made sense twenty years ago, but now I ask once again, what are social networks for? And for the record, I don't remember the names of the brides and grooms at most of the weddings I've attended.

This long rant is, I suppose, a plea of sorts. Times have changed. Certain practices have no meaning any more. Too often, the sanctity and beauty of the ceremony is lost in the magnitude of the event and the stress of organising it. The next time you organise an event, please think about people who will accept your invite with true happiness, not people who will take offence if they don't receive it. Do it for yourself. Do it for the Earth.